I started my day texting Ericka and through those texts discovering a path forward.  I found my joy in life at 17 when I stepped on the stage and played a disabled woman confined to her bed and her only connection to the outside world was the telephone.  I performed this in the cafeteria of our grade school for parents who came along to the talent show to see their own children perform.  My performance ended with a blood curdling scream.  What I remember from this - during the acts before me there was lots of talking and general noise going on in the audience.  This worried me because those acts were funny, light hearted, silly and I was about to bring them something powerful that they had to listen and concentrate on.  I started my monologue in my brothers twin bed that I made my parents bring to the cafeteria (they were not happy to do it).  The audience got very quiet and it was an out of body experience for me because I became this woman and the room was so quiet that you could hear a pin drop and Cathy knew that the audience was with her and the journey I took them on was painful, emotional and very dramatic.  When I screamed at the end, there was gasps and then silence and then thunderous applause.  I knew in that moment that this is what I was destined to be - an actress.

When I told my parents I wanted to go to college, they told me I was crazy.  My two older brothers were so smart and college hadn't worked that well for them - one graduating and one not finishing.  I had played around in high school, getting C's and not really caring - I was playing the hippie with my wild unkempt long hair, my jeans that ravelled at the bottom, my tie-dyed shirts.  I worked hard to look bad.  I was in the wrong crowd - searching for escape from the mundane.  What I found on that stage was my method of escape and I changed overnight.  I got rid of the hippie look, cut my hair and applied to college.  Well, I didn't get any support for this decision from my family.  However, with the help of our school advisor and I don't even remember her name now and I feel bad about that because she changed the course of my life with that help, I got into Columbia College in Columbia, Missouri with a scholarship.   With that acceptance letter in my hand, I asked my parents again but they were not happy about me "wasting good money".   They were farmers.  They worked hard for every penny.   Girls were supposed to get married and have children - not galavant off to college - only rich girls did that to find rich husbands.  I was fiercely independent and went to my local bank and took out a student loan.  With that move, my mom got onboard with the idea (she figured I would be back after the first semester) and they drove me to Columbia and left me in Hughes Hall and as they drove away I sobbed like a baby.  I had worked so hard for this and now I was alone, really alone.  My home was 12 hours away.  My next onstage moment that mattered was at the end of that first year in "The Man Who Came To Dinner".  I played the Maggie to Sheridan Whiteside.  Elias Eliadis played Sheridan and he was fabulous.  Also on that stage was the wonderful actor - Arliss Howard who played Banjo (look him up - he has starred in so many movies - he is just wonderful).  Anyway, I had some major talent on that stage and I rose to the challenge and received a glowing review.  Hooked for a second time.
Things snowballed from there as I made the Dean's List and graduated from this small college with an A.A. degree and transferred to Murray State University in Kentucky and my parents started financially helping me.  In Columbia, I was poor.  My roommate Lynn came from a wealthy family and she let me wear her clothes and find a place to fit in.  I got a job at Super-X Drugs and I sold my plasma to have enough money to enjoy things a little more there.  I have lifetime friends from that adventure and there is much that I am not proud of, but it was an amazing time.

I was given my first Directing experience at Murray State.  The Professor there loved my enthusiasm and thought I was very talented.  They had never had a student direct the mainstage Lovett auditorium children's theatre production.  I was the first.  I directed "The Red Shoes" and 2000 children filled the auditorium and loved it.  It was a huge success.

I fell in love for the first time at Murray.  His name was Michael Crisp and he was the most beautiful man I had ever met.  I loved everything about him.  I felt whole when I was with him.  We did everything together and when I left school I followed him to Austin, Texas.  Noone was very happy about this but off I went in my Gremlin with orange stripes and levi interior (that is another story that I must write down).  Now, here I should tell you that many good women warned me away from Michael.  They told me I was naive and didn't really understand him.  I thought they wanted him for themselves.  I should have listened a little more closely but they were right - I was naive and didn't know him well enough.  Anyway, I arrived in Austin to find that Michael had a boyfriend - he was gay.   I drove my Gremlin to the edge of one of the more beautiful places in Austin and cried for hours.  How could he love me and hurt me so badly.   That fierceness inside me thought I could change him.  I spent a year in Austin with that idea in mind.  I performed at night for lots of little theatres (Creek, Melodrama, Zilker Hillside Theatre) and worked as a receptionist during the day for an engineering firm.  After a year of this madness, I resigned myself to the fact that it was never going to work.  Funnily, I thought it was because I wasn't worthy enough - oh my goodness when I think of that now, it slays me.  I moved home and got a typing job with Coopers and Lybrand in Cincinnati.  I fell in love for the second time.  He was an tax accountant - a wonderful Irish Catholic named Patrick O'Brien.  Oh my goodness we had so much fun and if he had asked me to marry him, I probably would have.  My parents loved him - he was a good ole boy - he came out and went hunting on my Dad's farm, cleaned all my Dad's guns.  He fit right in.   But, he didn't ask me quick enough and I woke up one morning and realized that what I really wanted was to be an actress - not a wife.  At this point, I felt I needed more training.  I applied to graduate schools.  I travelled around in my Gremlin auditioning and I knew I had to get a teaching assistantship so that it would not cost me anything.  Ohio State accepted me into their MFA Acting program.  This was the third moment that determined my path.

to be continued. . . .